Children lie when truth is hard to face

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NAME — Becca Wyrick
AGE — 20
GRADE —

NAME — Melissa Tuckman
AGE — 22
GRADE —

CHILDREN LIE WHEN TRUTH IS HARD TO FACE

Kids admit they sometimes deceive their parents, friends and teachers

February 3, 2002

By Becca Wyrick, 14, Melissa Tuckman, 16

Recently, George O'Leary was forced to resign from his job as head football coach at the University of Notre Dame because he had lied on his resume.

Liars often make headlines but usually lose respect in the process. Y-Press recently spoke with several members of a youth group at St. Luke's United Methodist Church in addition to youth volunteers at The Children's Museum about how lies affect their lives. Haven Skinner and Perri McKinley, both 12; Katie Grenda, 18; Mike Andrews, 15; Annelise Holyoak, 14; and Anna Hicks, 14, all admitted to lying sometimes but had different reasons for doing so.

Why kids lie

KATIE: I don't lie a lot, but if I ever have, it's to avoid conflict, to not have to deal with problems that come up from telling the truth.

MIKE: Usually when I lie it's because my parents (ask), "Did you clean the basement? Did you do your chores?" So I go, "Sure," to get them off my back.

ANNELISE: When you're a teen-ager, you sometimes lie to your parents about what you're doing because even if it's not terribly bad, they're still going to make it out to be worse than it is.

ANNA: I think people lie sometimes to impress other people or to make themselves look better.

HAVEN: I lie sometimes just to avoid problems. I don't lie often.

PERRI: I think lying is just to fit in with a crowd. . . .

Targets of lies

KATIE: The only adults I've lied to before are my friend's parents. "Was so-and-so at your house?" "Yep, she was here all night," when she really wasn't. And don't get me wrong, I feel bad, but I mean that's what friends are for.

MIKE: I lie a lot. I have two little brothers (and) lie to them all the time; stuff like, "Yeah, Dad said you were supposed to mow the lawn."

ANNELISE: I have a lot of different sets of friends, and sometimes I lie about who I've been hanging out with because some of my friends don't like my other friends.

ANNA: I try not to lie, especially to my parents, because I know that if I do lie they won't trust me. . . . I don't think I've ever lied to one of my teachers because that can get you in so much trouble like with the administrators at your school and stuff.

HAVEN: I don't usually get in trouble at school, so I don't usually lie that often. . . . I lie to my parents probably more than anyone else.

PERRI: I usually lie about when I get in trouble at school. Sometimes I lie to my friends. If they keep asking me over and over, I usually tell a lie so they'll stop asking me.

Lying well

KATIE: I think I'm a good liar . . . and in some professions, that's a good thing. Like if you're a salesperson, lying is how you eat dinner every night. . . . You have to get to know the person. You have to know what they want to hear. Like with my friends, I know exactly what to say.

MIKE: I'm actually a pretty good liar because I remember what I lie about, and I can make it true afterwards. . . . If I'm home alone and my parents have left me a huge list of chores, you know, they'll call me and check up and say, "So have you started yet?" I'll tell them "Sure," and then I'll wait until about five minutes before they come home and just do them all really quick.

ANNELISE: I tell the truth more often than I lie because my parents always figure it out. They always know when I'm lying. . . . They say I smile and I make this weird face.

ANNA: I'm a horrible liar, but I'm a good faker, and there's a difference. Like crying. People think I'm sad when I'm not.

HAVEN: I think I tell the truth more often because it can make a lot of things a lot easier.

PERRI: (Liars) won't look at you straight in the eye, and they'll start to shake and then they start to stutter.

The worst lies

KATIE: The worst kind of lying I think is the stuff that hurts someone you love. Like when I got in trouble, the worst part for me was I had to face my mom. My mom just said, "Katie, you've deceived me . . . I gave you all my trust, and I believed you, everything you told me, and you've let me down."

MIKE: If (someone) told on someone for doing something wrong and the person who got in trouble asked who did it because they wanted to seek revenge, then I think it would be totally fine to lie to them and tell them you didn't know.

ANNELISE: I think if, say, you're lying just a little bit to enhance a story, it's OK, but if you're telling the police something, even if you stretch the truth a little bit, it can change things dramatically.

ANNA: Lying that'll hurt someone is the worst thing in the world to do. Life is too short to hurt other people.

HAVEN: I have to admit that when I tell a story . . . I tend to exaggerate something, or add in some stuff. And as long as you know that it's not going to affect anyone or hurt anyone, then I think that I guess it would be OK.

I think lying that could endanger somebody is the worst kind. Like once I accidentally left a candle on in my house when I left, and my mom asked me if I left it on and I said I did because that could actually endanger somebody. So I shouldn't have lied on that, and I didn't.

KATIE: The truth is your best ally.

REPORTERS: Daniel Kent, 13; Audrey Green, 13.

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