FRIENDSHIP GOES ONLINE

Teens defend the low-pressure benefits of finding pals in cyberspace

It used to be that teens nagged their parents to take them to a mall to hang out with friends, but now teens are often begging their parents for more time on the computer.

They meet on social networking sites where kids gripe, gossip, and exchange pictures and videos with others in cyberspace. Many of these teens join "online cliques."

"They find new groups to join -- a place they feel like they belong, where everyone knows their name," says John Suler, a psychology professor at New Jersey's Rider University and a researcher on cyberspace relationships.

"Just being online automatically makes you part of the 'in crowd,' and from there you can pick, choose and create almost any other specific type of group you want."

Kids in Indianapolis back up Suler's research.

"I think it's much easier to make friends with people online," says Alex Turpin, 16, who lives on the Near Westside. "It's so much easier to just ask what you want to and not be afraid to get a dirty look or something."

Sarah Poisel, 17, who lives in Broad Ripple, doesn't think twice about sending a "friend request" over the Web, but she'd never pass a note in class that says: "Will you be my friend?"

Carmel resident Molly Cason, 14, agrees. "Online, you don't have to tell them everything, and they don't know your flaws," she says.

Most kids have more online friends, including celebrities and people from all over the world, than they do in real life away from their computers.

Alex figures he has more than 100 friends from the MySpace Web site. There kids can browse for friends or people who are their age or have similar interests. Then, they can send that person a "friend request." The person then accepts or denies the request. It's that simple.

Many kids compete with one another to see how many friends they can chalk up. Each person's MySpace profile page carries a friend total.

Kids can join hundreds of cliques online. Some are really specific such as www.ihate clowns.com and www.i-love- cats.com. Then there's www.stardoll.com, which allows users to dress images of celebrities in various outfits and create avatars. Users chat about fashion and friendship.

Social-networking sites help users reach beyond stereotypes.

A 17-year-old black girl, who wishes to remain anonymous, knows she would raise a few eyebrows if she entered a music store searching for a vinyl Kiss album. But online, she says, she can turn into whomever she wants -- even a 30-something white guy. That way, she can talk to others who know a lot about the '70s hard-rock legends.

"You can change your image," explains Sarah. "It's OK -- I'm not really that person, so that if they deny me or if they're mean to me, then it doesn't matter because I'm not that person."

She's toying with the idea of pretending to be somebody else and seeing what would happen.

"It would be interesting to see which persons would be drawn to you if you pretended to be somebody different, like the cool teenager or a creepy person."

Suler says it's OK for young people to try out different personas.

"Some identity experimentation can be fine and maybe even helpful to a person, if they use it to understand themselves better and to try out new ways of behaving," he says. "But teens shouldn't deliberately deceive other people in ways that will hurt them or take on these new identities so that they can escape dealing with 'real life' problems."

Spirit Springfield, 17, says she fibs about her name, age and looks, mostly because of privacy reasons. She doesn't want anybody to be able to figure out her Eastside address or phone number.

She knows other girls who do risk their safety online.

"Some people I know are on there to find an older dude," she says. "I have a 15-year-old friend, and she's going out with this 25-year-old she met on MySpace."

Kids also risk hurting others with insults and rumors. Suler says too many youths approach chat rooms as if they're talking to a robot in a computer game, instead of a real-life person who can be offended. A lot of teens use profanities, inappropriate sexual remarks and other words of abuse, he says.

"On UrbanChat, I have heard some of the girls that go here say something really bad or negative about another girl and hurt their feelings," says Rachel Floyd, 16, who lives on the Northeastside. "They say stuff that they would never say face-to-face. And they say stuff that everybody doesn't need to know because it's personal."

Colette Williams, 14, gets disgusted by some of the stupid jokes on sites like MySpace and has this advice for those who spend hours online chatting: "Get a life!"

"They just don't know what to do with themselves," she says. "I mean -- seriously -- go eat some pizza. Go to the mall. Have soda with your friends. Take a shower. Go paint something."

It's so much better to hang out with friends whom you know and trust, says Colette, who lives on the Near Southside.

Others argue that social networking sites are a great glimpse into people's personalities and allow them to be creative in Web site design.

For example, Sarah's MySpace has a funky, '60s-like backdrop of turtles, birds and butterflies. She features a poster on her site that proclaims: "I support whatever you choose."

The site matches Sarah's personality, her friends say, because she accepts everyone.

Teens struggling with physical or mental health problems can find others like themselves to talk to via chat rooms and social networking sites. At www.grouploop.org, teens with cancer can find support, hope and education and talk with others facing cancer.

Despite positive aspects of social networking sites, some parents are scared to let their kids use them. They've heard too many horror stories about pedophiles and profanity.

"It's only unsafe if you make it unsafe, because if you're smart enough and you don't put your personal information on it, nothing is going to happen to you, unless you decide to talk to that person you don't know," says Molly.

Rachel adds: "I would tell parents that the Web sites let you express yourself. You may discover yourself or realize that you are interested in something totally different than you ever thought."

REPORTER: Quinn Andrews, 13.

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Many parents won't let their children join social networking sites, mainly because they're worried about their children's safety.

In response, Carl Brizzi, the Marion County prosecutor, launched a software Adistribution program called Computer Cop. It enables kids to safely browse, meet and search for friends on the Internet.

Unlike filtering and blocking software, Computer Cop allows parents to monitor online activities by viewing their children's downloaded photos and images from Web sites that they've visited.

Computer Cop also flags keywords that parents might consider inappropriate. "Age?" "Can we meet?" "Ecstasy" and "How old are you?" are a few of the words and phrases that Computer Cop singles out, allowing the parent to view these words in context.

More than 11,000 Computer Cop parental Internet-monitoring programs, which normally sell for $40, are being distributed free to the public. They are available at any Indianapolis-Marion County Public Library branch or the prosecutor's office, 251 E. Ohio St., Floor Six. 

 

Copyright 2007 Y-Press