GROUP HELPS CHILDREN COPE WITH DIVORCE

In school, children are sometimes asked to draw pictures of their families. At Children of Divorce therapy sessions, kids are often asked to do the same thing. The drawings give the therapist an inside view of how the divorce is affecting them.

"We had a family with two boys, and we had them draw pictures. . . . It just broke my heart," said Linda Emmert, director of the program based in Columbus, Ind.

"One was a big mushroom cloud, like a nuclear or an atomic bomb cloud. And the other brother drew two devils breathing fire with big spears, fighting. It was real difficult to know that we could only work with them a little bit, and then they had to go back to that environment."

Children of Divorce tries to help children ages 6 to 15 understand their feelings about their parents' divorce and learn to cope more effectively.

Families attend Children of Divorce sessions for six weeks. For the most part, parents and children meet in separate groups. Most families are referred to the program by the courts.

"The first thing that we do is try to make everything very comfortable and safe," Emmert said.

"Usually by the end of the night, everybody walks out of here going, 'I didn't think it'd be anything like this. Wow, this is really great. I can't wait to come back.' So they come from hostility to cooperation."

She and program facilitator Karen Decker use team-building exercises with their groups.

"We do activities and then see how those activities affect our lives. We look at how we felt about the activity, and how we can transfer the information that we learned in that activity to the rest of our lives," Emmert said.

Children often blame themselves for marital troubles, so "one of the first things that we do with the kids is assure them that it is not their fault," said Decker.

Emmert makes that same point with parents. "They need to keep the kids out of the middle of their divorce," she said.

The program reminds parents to keep their children in mind during this difficult time.

"Parents are so involved in their own situation that sometimes the kids get left out," Decker said. "If people can focus on the issues that involve the child, they have common ground."

The toughest part of divorce for children is adjusting to a new lifestyle. "They usually have to move, or one parent moves out. Sometimes they have to change schools. Their whole life is disrupted," Emmert said.

Children often aren't equipped to handle the emotional elements of divorce as well.

"What I see with every child that comes through the program is the anger and the confusion and the frustration that they have. . . . Parents are not always forthcoming with all the information, but the kids intuitively know what's going on, but they can't name it, can't verbalize the feelings," Decker said.

Divorce is hard on children of all ages. "There's no one group that's affected more or less. People have different coping skills at different ages," Emmert said. "Kids who are 12 can lash out at their parents more, they can try to stay away from home more. A 6-year-old can't do that."

She has some advice for any child of divorce:

"Talk to somebody -- an aunt, uncle, grandparents, friends, you know, somebody who can support you and just listen to you, not necessarily give you any advice but just be a safe person to talk to."

REPORTERS: Katie Stergar, 11; and Emily Kasnak, 11.