LIVING IN FOSTER SYSTEM KEEPS KIDS ON THE MOVE

It seems to be a law of nature: No kid has a perfect family, particularly after bratty siblings, parents and eccentric relatives are factored in.

But while every family has its problems, teens like Tiffany arguably have more than most.

Tiffany, 17, has been in the foster care system for more than two years, ever since her mother's boyfriend was charged with molesting her in April 2002. Her surname is not included to protect her privacy.

While the boyfriend, now Tiffany's stepfather, was found not guilty, the state determined Tiffany was a child in need of services. Tiffany remained in foster care, although her brothers, ages 6 and 16, now live with her mother and stepfather. Her father is in the military, stationed out of state.

Living apart from her brothers is perhaps the most difficult thing for Tiffany, because she rarely sees them. "I love both of my brothers to death," she said.

However, Tiffany doesn't have any regrets about leaving her mother's home. "Whatever came next was better," she said.

But her life hasn't been easy. She's been in six foster homes since early 2002.

Kids in foster care, about 5,300 in Indiana, must deal with constantly changing foster parents and other kids in the home, as well as a system that can seem impossible to navigate, especially when it comes to basic rites of passage, such as obtaining a driver's license.

Tiffany said a major hardship is dealing with foster parents. Kids frequently change homes and often encounter many difficulties adjusting to a new household.

"I've been in six foster homes now, but I haven't been in any that are very alike. Each home is different, and especially different from your house. So it's hard for a lot of kids," Tiffany said.

She knows it's hard for the foster parents, too.

"They're used to their own kids, who they raised and adapted to their routine, and now they have a new kid and he's not understanding why they're acting a different way."

Another source of conflict is the restrictions placed on foster children by their guardians. In Tiffany's third foster home, for example, she said she couldn't touch the microwave or refrigerator or help herself to snacks without permission.

Feel isolated

Foster children often feel inferior, especially when the parents have their own biological children.

"Ideally, it's supposed to be as if you were with a real family, like a real normal kid -- go to school, come home, you've got sports and stuff like that or whatever," Tiffany said. "But some foster parents still kind of isolate the foster kids, especially if they have their own kids. They might not do it intentionally, but it does get done."

All kids need privacy, especially teenagers, and that can be hard to come by in a foster home.

"In one of my homes, the kids would go through my stuff, and like I couldn't really say a thing about it," she said. "(The foster mother) wouldn't do nothing about it, and then she would get mad when I would get mad at the kids."

Both a lack of understanding and a feeling of inequality can contribute to tension in a foster home. More importantly, children in foster care rarely feel that they belong. Some subjects are just hard to discuss, especially when people haven't known each other for long. Even simple things such as going to the mall or movies with friends can be awkward.

Tiffany used to have a job, which provided her with spending money, but she is not working now. "A lot of times, you just have to do without. It's real uncomfortable to ask somebody for some money. I don't do it a lot of the time. I mean, how do you go ask somebody that you're not used to, 'Can I have some money?' "

Foster kids also must deal with limitations placed on them by the state. Kids such as Tiffany, who are in "therapeutic care" because of past abuse or special needs, cannot spend the night with anyone who isn't a licensed foster care provider or go out of town without one unless they receive permission of the family court.

"Everything has to be supervised. Everything is really restricted," said Tiffany, who couldn't go to Kings Island with friends earlier this year because of state restrictions.

Similarly, dating can be a problem, because it might require that foster parents, caseworkers and even the judge be notified.

"Everybody wants to ask questions. Everybody wants to know who he is, wants to give him a background check. Don't nobody want to get asked 21 questions because they're trying to talk to a girl," said Tiffany. "You can't go nowhere or do nothing unless you're supervised. I'd rather stay in the house."

And when it comes to learning to drive, forget about it. An adult must agree to assume financial liability before a foster child can get a driver's license. The state cannot assume such liability, and most foster parents are unable or unwilling to.

"Nobody wants to sign up for the insurance, nobody wants to assume the responsibility. You really can't do anything until you become of age or become emancipated," Tiffany said.

Follow the rules

All these hardships have left their mark on Tiffany.

"I guess I've adapted to the thing that everybody who I've always been around has been temporary," she said. "I don't trust hardly anybody. When I say that, I mean I don't trust that they'll be there for a long time. If I feel like I can do it on my own, I'm probably more likely to do so."

To help improve the system, Tiffany serves on the Youth Advisory Board, composed of teens in foster care or independent living programs and those receiving other state services.

She tells kids the best way to cope with being in foster care is to follow the rules.

"That's the only way you're not gonna make your record look bad. That's the only way you're gonna have people willing to work with you. When you get out of foster care, there'll be more things for you to do because more people will be willing to help you."

Tiffany has managed to keep up her grades and is a candidate for National Honor Society. She plans to go to college and says being a foster child has its advantages in that area.

"When you're applying for college, you get a lot of financial aid because you have zero income. So that helps out a lot with financial aid and scholarships and grants and things like that."

ASSISTANT EDITOR: Perri McKinley, 14.

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Y-Press is a nonprofit news organization with offices in The Indianapolis Star building. Stories are researched, reported and written by teams of young people ages 10 to 18. For more information, call (317) 444-2010 or send an e-mail to ypress@in.net.

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