In 1997, The Indianapolis Star interviewed Roxanne Ratcliff, a 19-year-old who had already had three pregnancies. The 14-part series traced Roxanne's turbulent adolescence, from nonconsensual sex at age 13, to an abortion at 14, to the births of two children by age 18 -- Devon, who is being raised by Roxanne's parents, and another boy who was put up for adoption.

Y-Press read about Roxanne's experiences and wondered how she is doing now. In a lengthy interview, she talked about her upbringing as the youngest of seven children, and she said that the past seven years haven't been much easier. She's married now and has had two more children, both girls. However, money is tight. She gave her youngest up for adoption.

Here is her story:

"They had like a sex education class, and you had to have your parents sign a consent form in order for you to hear the information. Well, my mom did not sign the consent form. She did not want me to hear about that. She did not want me to know anything about sex, do anything about sex. But I guess I wish they would've let me. By the time I did get to have sex education, I was already pregnant. But you're not thinking of somebody having sex at 12."

Too much freedom

"I guess I just would've wanted my parents to be more involved in what I was doing.

"I could stay out late. I went to all-night skating parties. I spent the night at my friend's house on school nights every night. But I can't blame it on them -- (I had) so many other brothers and sisters doing stuff.

"I dated older men, you know, because my first sexual experience was with an 18-year-old. I went to Ben Davis, and once I started dating other people, people in school didn't even matter anymore.

"Sure I looked good, you know what I mean, and guys found me attractive, 'cause that's what you want. You want that attention. Every girl goes through a phase where they think that once you have sex, you want to have sex all the time just to make the man happy or something, And they always say, 'If you love me, then you'll do it.'

"But is that 30 seconds of moaning and groaning worth it . . . I mean, what are you getting out of it?

"I wouldn't change the people I hung out with, because it wasn't them. I would change getting pregnant and not using a condom and letting the guy manipulate me, and I would definitely change the abortion thing. I think that if, when I went to have the abortion, they showed me what they were going to do, if I would've seen that ahead of time before I had sex, I would've gone, 'No, No, No. I don't think so.'

"Most people say, 'Well, why didn't you learn your lesson?' You just don't. My main thing was I wanted to have a boyfriend. I never (made them use) a condom. That was my problem, and I had to deal with STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) 'cause they were given to me.

"When I was pregnant with Devon, nobody knew. I went to (the father) and I tried to talk to him. He didn't want nothing to do with me. He doesn't even live five minutes from here, but has he ever seen Devon? No. He's never even seen a picture of him. Doesn't care.

"It was neat to feel a baby and to feel it kicking and stuff. That's an experience that you'll never forget. I yearn for that feeling today. And I thought Devon was cute. I love him a lot. It was not really my decision to place him in my parents' care. I lived with my parents when he was a baby. I was going to school and stuff and it just got harder and harder. I mean, I was up all night with Devon, and then trying to go to school. But I mean I was just lucky enough to graduate. I even graduated early."

Seeking attention

"But that's something that you forget. I was young. I mean, I slept with so many people before I was 18, but I've only slept with three since I was 18. It's like you go through that phase where that's just something that you're yearning for. 'Cause at home, I mean, I wasn't getting the attention that I needed.

"By the time of my senior year, I had done had sex with 20 people, and that's a lot. Then I had the one I placed for adoption, and then I had Victoria, and then I had Amelia, then I had my tubes tied. None of the fathers are around, except for Tony. He's Victoria's father.

"At first (my parents) didn't accept Victoria. It was hard for them to deal with a biracial child. They wanted me to also place her for adoption, and Tony wasn't having it. (The girls) are exactly one year apart.

"Amelia was placed for adoption. It was just too, too hard. I can't imagine having two.

"I get pictures of Amelia in the mail and I look back and I say, 'What could I have done different so she could've been here with Victoria?' I would say all of (my choices) were bad -- having sex at a young age, having the abortion was one of the worst experiences I ever had. Placing somebody up for adoption was really, really hard, and just all of it.

"I currently work at (a) gas station. My husband works at Papa John's. He doesn't really have as much education as I do, so you know, it's kind of hard for him to find a job. Even though he knows everything that happened, I mean there's still that deep secret inside that wishes he would've married a virgin, you know what I mean.

"Victoria is 5. I spoil her rotten, but she's all I got. . . . I try and stay interactive with Victoria, 'cause I don't want her to end up like I did. I'll keep a better eye on her. She's kind of confused by where her sister is. She knows that Devon's her brother, but she doesn't understand why he's not here. You know, it's hard on a kid.

"(I see Devon) maybe once a week. I'm not really a part of his life. I mean, he knows that I'm his mother, but he calls my dad 'Dad' and he calls my mom 'Mom.' My parents don't really let me do anything really with him . . ."

"The black sheep"

"I'm like the black sheep of my family because my husband's black, I have a mixed daughter. None of my other family dates out of their race, doesn't do any of that stuff. When it comes to like Thanksgiving dinner, I'm not allowed to go.

"Even though I have a husband and a daughter, I still feel like I'm doing it all on my own. It's just rough. I think about what Amelia is doing every day. I worry about Devon, but I know that he's taken care of.

"You just can't depend on a man to give you what you need; you really can't. It has to come from in here. If you're not happy with yourself, then you can't expect anybody to be. I talk to my daughter more than I talk to anybody, and she doesn't even understand what's going on. She sees me cry, and she's just like, 'It's OK, Mommy. It's OK,' but she doesn't know what's going on.

"My life is not anywhere near where I want it to be . . . I'm not living in the house that I want. I don't have the car that I want. I wish I would've finished college and gotten a degree 'cause now adays you got to have a degree.

"I go to church as much as I can. I ask God to forgive me, 'cause having an abortion you do kill a child, you know.

"I regret all of it.

"I used to think that being pregnant was fun, with everybody, 'Ooh, let me feel your baby kicking' and stuff. It's all fun and then it comes out. Then it's like bills, bills, bills. I'm still paying for Devon . . . 'cause it costs over $5,000 just to deliver the baby. And that's not including any of the doctor visits. Luckily with Victoria we have Medicaid.

"It's rough, it's hard, it's expensive. Why would you even want to be a teen mom? I would say watch a baby for a day and you'd probably change your mind.

"I would recommend just hanging with people your own age and don't let anybody press you into doing something you don't want to. You don't know where he's been. . . . Every person I ever dated was dating somebody else, and I was also dating somebody else.

"Something you really need to think about is, 'What am I getting out of this situation?' I mean, if he's willing to wait as long as you did, then that's fine, but if he's pressuring you and pressuring you, then he obviously wants something else. If he says, 'Well, I'm gonna go do it with somebody else,' let him. You know why? Because it's not even worth it."

Who we are

Y-Press is a nonprofit news organization with offices in The Indianapolis Star building. Stories are researched, reported and written by teams of young people ages 10 to 18. For more information, call (317) 444-2010 or send an e-mail to ypress@in.net.

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