SOUTHERN INDIANA STUDENTS COPE AFTER DEATHS OF 2 CLASSMATES

KIDS SPEAK In a roundtable, kids express their thoughts and feelings about a given topic. It is an expression of opinion, based on the experiences of each participant.

Bambi had to deal with it. The children of Nicole Simpson have to deal with it. And eventually you will have to deal with it, too.

Death is a fact of life.

One class of students in southern Indiana has had two classmates die young. In seventh grade, their friend Micah died in a hunting accident. And in 11th grade, another close friend, David, committed suicide. (David's name has been changed to protect his family's privacy).

Three of those students were willing to discuss those deaths with Children's Express recently. They are now 18 and ready to attend college this fall.

RELATIONSHIPS

TOYA McCARTHY: I was in seventh grade when Micah died. I was his girlfriend. Then in our junior year when David died, I was just really good friends with him.

JASON RAMSEY: (Micah) was one of the bonds - you know, you have your little nucleus of guys that hang out together. Well, Micah was one of the guys that hang out together (with us). And when David died, we were pretty close.

SHANNON McCLELLAN: I was really close to both of them. . . . David and I were in Youth Awareness, it's like a youth leadership program, and that brought us really close. We'd go on retreats and stuff together.

THE BAD NEWS

TOYA: I was at home and my best friend called me and told me what happened to Micah. I didn't believe her for a long time, then she started crying so I knew something was wrong. And with David, the same thing. I got a phone call.

JASON: Mine were both phone calls, too. With Micah, a friend of mine called me and told me that Micah had shot himself accidentally. I didn't believe him. Then he said, "If you don't believe me I'll put my mom on the phone," so I knew right then and there he was being serious.

And with David, another friend called and told me what happened. Then I just kind of flipped out, you know, went on a little temper tantrum and I just went to the hospital as soon as I could.

SHANNON: With David I'd been gone all day long and came back to a party (and got the bad news). And right then, David wasn't dead yet, he was on life support. And it was really hard with him because you just didn't know.

DEALING WITH MICAH

SHANNON: With Micah, (school officials) didn't do anything. Classes were a little disorganized and stuff, people were in and out of school. They just basically acted like, "If we don't just totally focus on this, then they'll get around it, they'll work it out on their own."

JASON: (The following spring,) they planted a tree at our elementary school in memory of Micah. And the principal said he didn't want us going down there, (but) we had already made up our minds and we told them we were going to go. They tried to keep us in and finally we started plowing out of the school - we just had a walkout. And finally they OK'ed it.

DEALING WITH DAVID

SHANNON: With Micah . . . it was a terrible, awful accident and that was the word that you used. But with David there was just no reason, it wasn't an accident, it was him and you just couldn't accept that.

JASON: The counselors really didn't do anything for us. We were just a close bunch. We all slept at a friend named Tony Young's house, there was probably 20 of us (in) a small house, and we all slept on his floor for I think three nights in a row and I think just stayed there. And we just talked about it and talked about it. Eventually, you know, just some of the pain started to go.

SHANNON: I spoke to . . . a counselor there at school and she had worked with both me and David with the awareness thing that I talked about earlier. And so she sort of knew both of us and that was the best one I talked to. But I mean, it was nothing compared to your friends. Your friends are the way you get through it.

JASON: It was so frustrating. I had no idea how to deal with it 'cause you're never taught how to deal with something, you know, when one of your best friends takes his life. There's no preparation for it. You didn't see it coming or anything. You have no idea what to do or how to take it. I talked to him the night before and he was fine, and another guy talked to him just a couple hours before and he was fine. He showed no symptoms, and we still can't figure out a reason.

SHANNON: One thing that (David's parents) did, which . . . really helped us, is they let us go over to his house the night after he died and we got to like go into his room and just, I mean we were all there together, and we all went together and it must have been so hard for his family to let us in there. You know, 'cause just to get hit with all those memories.

And while we were there they were sitting there, they just told us, "This wasn't what he should have done, it's not what any of you need to do." And that was really hard for them to do, but it was really responsible because I mean, right then emotions were so high.

THE FUNERALS

SHANNON: They were both really crowded funerals - that's what I remember. Everybody came. And I recently had a great- aunt die and I went to the funeral home, and . . . people were, you know, talking to each other, smiling. I couldn't believe how different it was, because whenever it's somebody that young (who dies), you don't smile, you don't laugh, you look at each other and you burst out crying.

TOYA: I was real anxious (at the funerals), you know, especially with David . . . He shot himself in the head and I didn't even think they were going to have an open casket. But they did, and you couldn't tell at all . . .

JASON: That's the final thing. Before that it kind of seems like a . . . dream. But when you see your friend in a casket, that's when you know the reality sets in and you know you're never going to see him again.

HOW TO COPE

JASON: You need to pull together and keep talking about it . . . (with David), for two days I felt nothing. And then I finally went to school and talked to my tennis coach, who I'm really close with, and he was the one person I could open up to. After that I felt a lot better.

TOYA: You can't keep it inside you. You've got to talk to somebody.

LOOKING FORWARD

TOYA: After Micah died, I thought, "What will I do if I have to go through this again? I won't be able to go through this again." And I did, and I made it.

SHANNON: I have a pretty strong faith, and I believe that we'll go to heaven and we'll go to God. I think we'll be happy. . . . I picture this brightness, it's like a light shining on us from everywhere.

I think it will be peaceful and I'll be happy, but I'm just scared to death of it.

EDITED BY: Stacey Quintin, 17.