Bipolar disorder is a condition that causes drastic swings in sufferers' moods and outlook. Zack Lamm, 22, a computer programming student at ITT Tech, has been living with the disorder since his teens. Here is his story:

"It is like a curse. I've learned a lot more about myself because I've had to basically dig deep down inside myself and try to understand what part of me is the illness and what part of me is who I am and learn to separate that. But it's caused me a lot of problems.

"When I was younger and I was in a manic state, that was fun. Like in high school, I'd just be walking down the hallway, and I'd just experience this euphoria, you know, just like I was really high for no reason at all. And I had trouble sleeping a lot.

"But I don't really experience that much anymore. If I get manic, it's just I can't think straight. I can't sleep.

"It can be very productive. It's usually like, 'I'm gonna read this book and get this certification for my computer training, and I'm gonna get another certification and another one, and I'm gonna go to school and get a job.' My thing is pretty much a career thing. I'm mainly driven by money a lot of the time. . . .

"You can get things done for a while. Then you start to lose your focus and you can't pay attention, and you just start to kind of come apart at the seams.

"In a depressed period, there is basically the opposite, basically doing a lot of sleep. . . . You don't want to do anything.

"I would say most of my cycles are situational. If something happens to me that's really good or something, like I get a job, a promotion or whatever, then I might get a little manic. Same as if something negative happens to me, I might get a little bit depressed, but never as extreme because I'm on medication.

"I have cycled rapidly before, where I was manic for like 10 minutes and then wanted to kill myself the next 10 minutes, and it was going up and down like that. For 10 minutes, I'd be extremely agitated and moving around, picking up books, reading them, putting them back, picking up another book. And then 10 minutes later I'm like lying down in my bed just like wanting to die.

"In high school, I was depressed a lot. I was really an outcast. I was hospitalized for depression when I was 16. But the worst time was when I was hospitalized for like three months. They had misdiagnosed me. They thought I was schizo-affected. Schizo-affected is like schizophrenic-like symptoms, but not true schizophrenia. But it was just mania. It's often confused.

"I've thought about suicide a lot, when I was really depressed. A lot of times I'd think to myself, 'I don't want to live with this illness.'

"I've told people who were really close to me -- well, I thought they were really close to me -- that I had it, and I thought I could trust them with the information, and they just didn't treat me the same after that.

"It's really hard for me to be in a relationship with a girl because when she finds out, or when I eventually feel I have to tell her because it's such a big part of my life, she usually doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

"Most people don't understand it. When someone doesn't understand something, they're kind of afraid, and they don't want to talk to you about it. They don't really want to know more.

"My family has helped me a lot. Well, kind of -- financially and stuff. I haven't been able to work for a while, and my family has helped me out with that. They do the best they can.

"They don't even really understand it. My brother has been the worst, 'cause we used to be really close and now he doesn't really talk to me very much. And it's kind of the same with my sister.

"And as far as my mom and dad go, they're there to support me, but I kind of get the sense a lot that they're just kind of tired of it and want it to go away. . . .

"If you're mentally ill, there are negative connotations and people are gonna look at you funny and stuff. I see a counselor about once a month. I see a psychiatrist once a month. And I go to support group. . . .

"(I take medication daily.) Lithium, well, actually Eskalith, it's time-released lithium. Most of the medications that are out to treat bipolar have crazy side effects. I've taken them before, and I gained a lot of weight on one of them.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm a slave to medication . . . A couple of years ago, I stopped taking my medication because I thought I didn't need it. . . .

"It was basically a test. I was like, 'OK, I'm gonna stop taking my medication, see what happens,' and ended up back in the hospital. . . .

"I think a bipolar person experiences more and experiences things differently than 'normal' people. A lot of people who are bipolar are very sensitive. . . . That's why I would say it's a gift and a curse. It's an inspiration, but at the same time it causes problems. It's like a roller coaster ride.

"I'd still like to get manic, but I just want the negative aspects to go away. As I was saying earlier, I've tried to look within myself to try to separate the illness from who I am, and maybe they are kind of linked. And if I was cured, I might be a completely different person."

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About the disorder

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain condition causing unusual shifts in mood, energy and ability to function, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Most scientists now agree the disorder has no single cause, although it tends to run in families.

A person with bipolar disorder usually alternates between mania and depression. Mood swings can last for hours, days, weeks or even months. In a manic phase, a person may have inexplicable euphoria, irritation, bad judgment and sleeplessness. Depression symptoms are similar to those in all forms of depression -- feelings of worthlessness, lethargy and hopelessness. Different from the normal emotional ups and downs, the symptoms are severe and can lead to damaged relationships, poor job or school performance and even suicide.

Treatment usually consists of individual and group counseling and medication. Frequently prescribed medications include lithium, valproate (Depakote) or carbamazepine (Tegretol) to stabilize moods.

More than 2 million Americans, or 1 percent of the population, suffer from the disorder.

For more information, visit the National Institute of Mental Health Web site: www.nimh.nih.gov/ publicat/bipolarmenu.cfm

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REPORTERS: Peter DePaolo, 14; Allison Gardner, 13; and Elizabeth Newkirk, 13.