Everybody has said it at least once, maybe while stressing over final exams or after a regrettable error: "I'm going to kill myself."

But some people think about it seriously, and a few go through with it. Suicide is the third-leading cause of death among U.S. youth ages 10 to 19, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The effects of a young person's suicide are widespread, shaking families and friends to the core. Besides coping with the loss, they wonder what they might have done differently to help.

For families, there are bountiful resources to help them deal with a loved one's death. But what about the friends of young suicide victims? Do they have a special duty to help troubled friends? What kind of support is available for them?

To answer these questions, Y-Press interviewed Alicia Morris, 18, a crisis counselor who dealt with suicidal friends in middle school, and Destany Vick, 17, a Speedway High School student whose friend Tony committed suicide Jan. 28 at age 15.

Tony played baseball, was active in his church and was generally outgoing and upbeat. To outsiders, he seemed well-balanced, but he had had family problems and even sought help from a teacher and counselors.

"I wasn't really worried about him because he actually went to a teacher and talked to him," Destany said. "There had been times when he had talked about (suicide), but he had always said he didn't have the guts to do it, so nobody really worried about it."

Alicia, on the other hand, worried plenty about her friends.

"When I was in middle school, I hung out with two people in particular who were extremely suicidal, and there were times that I would sit at the lunch table every day of the week with one on one side, one on the other, holding their wrists to keep them from scratching themselves, 'cause that's all they would do the entire lunch period until they started bleeding."

Alicia spent much of her middle school years talking to her friends to keep them from harming themselves. She succeeded, but at a price.

"Getting them through that brought me down, and I had my own problems, so I became very, very depressed. And with my other friends who were depressed, you know, we were just all very sad," she said.

In high school, Alicia was feeling better and so were her friends. She thought others might benefit from her compassion and joined Teen Link, a local phone counseling hotline staffed by teens.

"I had learned how to become a really good listener for these kids who just needed to talk, needed somebody to hear them out," she explained. "And I had learned how to cope in my own way, and that sometimes, you know, people just need somebody to listen."

But in some cases, kind words and loyalty can't prevent a friend from ending his or her life. When told of Tony's death, Destany couldn't believe it.

She had spent the night at a friend's house and was watching a movie when she heard the sad news.

"Really, I was just shocked, and I just called my mom and went home. I sat in my room, and like all I did was try and find stuff out about it, and I couldn't get ahold of anyone," she said.

"I was kind of in denial. I really didn't think it happened. I thought it was just like a rumor or something. I finally realized that it was true when his best friend called me, crying."

Initially, Destany says she and other friends felt that they had let Tony down.

"At first, I (blamed myself) because I should've been there more as a friend. I could've paid more attention to him. But then I realized that he had a lot of other friends, and we could only do so much," she said.

Destany still regrets a fight she had with Tony last year. He had called her house when no one was home, and some of his friends were being rowdy while he was leaving a message.

"They were yelling stuff about me in the background, and the answering machine recorded it, and I got in trouble for it. So I went to school and I went off on Tony for it because he should've just hung up. We fought for a really long time over it, and we were just starting to be friends again and starting our friendship over and talking more," she said.

Through personal experience and her two years as a phone counselor, Alicia has learned a lot about depression. She emphasizes that friends shouldn't blame themselves for someone's suicide.

"(People who commit suicide) are responsible for the decision that they make. It's very, very rarely one event that ever causes anybody to commit suicide or do anything extreme. It's usually a snowball effect of different things that are happening that they can't deal with," she said.

Alicia has several tips for teens whose friends are considering suicide: "Give them little things to do. Take a walk, take a break, listen to some music, write in a journal, punch a pillow -- little things like that that are gonna help."

She also stresses the importance of listening.

"Help them see that what they're going through, as much as it hurts and as hard as it is to deal with, it is something that with the right tools and enough determination they can get through. And it's not something that is going to define the rest of their lives. If they can get through it, it will help define their character," she said.

When a problem gets too serious, a friend might need to seek outside help. It's best if the suicidal teen gives permission for a friend to consult a trusted adult or health-care provider.

"We had that situation actually with one of the friends I had in middle school," Alicia said. "She told us a lot of lies, so we never really knew what to believe, but we found out that her father had raped her. We didn't tell because, personally, I had been through the court system and I knew what it was like. And if she didn't want to go through that because she had seen me go through it, then I didn't want to put her through that.

"But then a different friend did report it, and she was incredibly angry at them. So you know, you just don't want to make your friends mad at you for betraying their trust."

Still, drastic action is necessary "if somebody has had very long, ongoing problems and they feel like they just are at the end of their rope," Alicia said.

Such action might be taking a suicidal friend to the hospital or calling 911. In her crisis counseling work, Alicia has had to take such a measure, called an intervention.

"An intervention is where you have to bring in help from somewhere else. A police officer comes out to the house with an ambulance and talks to the person and takes them to the hospital, and they do what they need to do from there," she said.

But sometimes, a death is unpreventable, and survivors must cope with the loss. Speedway High School provided counselors for students such as Destany who wanted to talk about Tony.

"A lot of people offered help, like all the counselors at school and everything. And I am currently in counseling because of that and a few other reasons."

"He's just like permanently imprinted in my head, and I just think about it all the time."

ASSISTANT EDITORS: Peter DePaolo, 15; Rebecca Salois, 15.

REPORTER: Katie McDowell, 12.

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Where to turn next

For grieving teens, several organizations in Indianapolis offer support and guidance. For kids who might be contemplating suicide, help is a phone call away.

For survivors

Survivors of Suicide Victims Support Group: (317) 621-5269; leave message for Chaplain Jim Gaynor.

A service of Community Health Network, the support group is for family members and friends who have lost someone to suicide. It meets on the fourth Wednesday of every month from 7 to 9 p.m. at 1640 N. Ritter Ave. All ages are welcome; individual counseling also is available.

Brooke's Place: (317) 705-9650 or on the Web, www.brookesplace.org

A nonprofit agency, Brooke's Place is for young people grieving the loss of a family member or friend. It has four support groups for teens, ages 13 to 18, that meet twice a month, though none that specifically targets the needs of teens who have lost friends to suicide. It also has programming for younger children.

For teens considering harming themselves

Information and Referral Network/HELPLINE 2-1-1: (317) 926-4357 or on the Web, www.irni.org.

A nonprofit, private agency, the network provides human service resources to people in need. One of its largest services is a telephone referral line available seven days a week, staffed by information specialists. To reach it, dial 2-1-1 from any home or cell phone, or call (317) 926-4357. The network's database is available online, at no charge, at www.irni.org.

Stopover 24-hour crisis line: (317) 635-9301 or on the Web at www.enn.org/boner/programs.html

Stopover staffs a 24-hour crisis line for youth and their families. In addition to the crisis line, the program provides short-term housing for teens ages 13 to 17, transitional living programs, home-based and family-centered counseling, youth support groups and community education.

Since 1991, the program has been affiliated with the John H. Boner Community Center.

Girls and Boys Town hotline: (800) 448-3000 (TDD 1-800-448-1833) or on the Web at www.girlsandboystown.org/hotline/index.asp

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is a 24-hour crisis, resource and referral line and program of the 88-year-old nonprofit organization. The hotline is accredited by the American Association of Suicidology and is staffed by trained counselors. In addition, it offers a chat room every Monday from 8 to 9 p.m. (CST).

About half of its calls come from people 19 or younger. Spanish-speaking counselors and translation services for more than 140 languages are available.

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Who we are

Y-Press is a nonprofit news organization with offices in The Indianapolis Star building. Stories are researched, reported and written by teams of young people ages 10 to 18. For more information, call (317) 444-2010 or send an e-mail to ypress@in.net.

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