TERRY ANDERSON'S LIFE FALLING BACK TOGETHER AFTER LONG CAPTIVITY

Former journalist had been held hostage in Lebanon for more than six years.

For 2,455 days, Americans read about, heard about and watched helplessly as one man experienced his nightmare - being held hostage in Lebanon.

Terry Anderson's nightmare has been over for more than 16 months now. He's working on a book, gotten married, restoring an old house and getting to know his youngest daughter, who was born while he was in captivity.

While he refuses to say he leads a normal life, he says he's very happy and learning to make decisions again - something he couldn't do during his seven years as a hostage.

"You feel very, very helpless when you are not permitted to make any decisions, not even when to go to the bathroom or when to eat," he recently told Children's Express in a telephone interview from his Freedom Forum office at Columbia University in New York City.

Says he's not a hero

Worldwide excitement and ticker-tape parades marked Anderson's release in December 1991. Yet after all he's been through, he says he's not a hero.

"Being a hero, showing courage, has to do with making hard choices, doing the things that are difficult because they are right, rather than the things that are easy," he explained.

"We didn't have any choice. They came and chained me to a wall. So being praised for courage bothers me a little bit."

Anderson described individuals who he thinks are real heroes.

"One of my heroes is Jimmy Carter," he said. "I think he has shown enormous moral courage, both as president and certainly since he's left the presidency - a man I admire very highly. . . .

"There are also physical heroes that I know - Marines I've seen in combat, ordinary people that I've seen do very brave things in dangerous situations. Those are heroes," he emphasized.

Re-evaluated his life

While a hostage, Anderson had a long time to think about his life, and he didn't like all that he learned. Since his release, he has been working on changing pieces of his personality.

"I had a lot of time to think, and many of the things I thought about were the bad things that I knew about myself or discovered about myself. And those were the things that I tried to change," he explained.

"I used to be a very arrogant and aggressive man. . . . (Now) I think I'm a little more patient, a little more willing to give people time, a little more willing to listen."

Another change he made was leaving the Associated Press.

"I left the AP because I want to do something else now. I've been a journalist for nearly 25 years, a large portion of that overseas.

"And while I enjoyed it, and I liked the AP, I decided that I'm 45 and it's time for me to do something else."

One of Anderson's priorities is spending more time with his family. He recalled meeting his 7-year-old daughter, Sulome, for the first time right after his release.

"She was asleep and I woke her up. It was way after midnight, and I think she was a little scared - very, very shy. She just smiled at me and gave me a hug," he said.

Anderson and his wife, Madeleine Bassil, are restoring a large house built in 1911 in Westchester County, N.Y. From there, he is only a half-hour away from Columbia University, where he writing a book about his captivity called Den of Lions.

"It's mostly about the seven years, inside and outside," he said. "It's not only my story; it's also Madeleine's story . . . and the story of a number of the other people who were involved in the hostage problem."

It will be published in September by Crown, and NBC is planning a four-hour miniseries in October based on the book, he said.

Anderson still finds time to carry on close relationships with his fellow hostages, whom he spent years with in captivity.

"I've seen all of them at one time or another. We have a relationship that isn't going to go away. I mean, we've gone through an awful lot," he said.

As his life falls back together, Anderson thinks about what people will remember about him.

"I hope in a few years that that designation (of being a former hostage) will kind of be a footnote or at least the third or fourth thing they mention about me - that I might do something that is a little bit more worthwhile."

EDITED BY: Matt White, 14 ASSISTANT EDITOR: Chris Cooper, 14