THE CHANGING FACE OF THE NUCLEAR FAMILY

Chris, Maija and Alex Cerny feel complete

The couple who wanted to adopt a child went through criminal history checks, first-aid and CPR classes, and 13 weeks of instructional sessions in order to obtain a fostering license. The lengthy process was typical, even though the parents-to-be were atypical: Nathan Tuttle and Burns Gutzwiler are a gay couple.

Tuttle and Gutzwiler had been together for five years when they realized they wanted to raise a child. After training to become foster parents, they were eager to find a child to share their Northside home. When they met Samantha, then 11, they knew she was the one.

Fortunately for them, adoption was legalized in Indiana for same-sex couples in a 2006 ruling by the state Court of Appeals. Although Indiana does not legally recognize gay marriage, it is one of 13 states that have legalized joint adoption by same-sex couples, according to Human Rights Campaign, a non-profit gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization.

Tuttle and Gutzwiler officially adopted Samantha in January through The Villages, a private, nonprofit organization that provides services and homes for children.

Although gay households are becomingly increasingly accepted, there is still plenty of controversy surrounding gay parenting. Critics of adoption by gay parents generally cite the possibility of negative effects, both emotional and social, on the child.

Approximately 65,500 adopted children are being raised by lesbian or gay parents, accounting for more than four percent of all adopted children in the United States, according to a 2007 study by University of California at Los Angeles. Advocates of gay adoption emphasize the importance of character rather than sexual orientation when considering the suitability of a potential parent.

Dan McPherson, associate dean at the University of San Francisco School of Education and a marriage and family therapist, said that he believes that the consequences of gay adoption vary little with those of straight adoption. Although gay parents often face more hurdles —both financial and social—  than straight parents, the development of their children is not affected.

"Now whether they're gay or straight is beside the point for me because it's the quality of the person who's attempting the adoption. Whether it's a single person, two women, two men, or a man and a woman, I think there are people who can do a very good job of creating a family via adoption, and some who can't," he said.

In fact, given the complexities of gay adoption, McPherson suggests gay parents may have a greater commitment to the children.

"In order to go and adopt, you have to fight the system and you have to get in the system and pursue and pursue and pursue,” he said. “There's a phrase that some researchers have used: a straight couple can have an accidental kid."

Supporters of gay households, like McPherson, point to the parents' perseverance as evidence of their love and dedication. This sentiment is affirmed by Chris and Alex Cerny, a lesbian couple residing in the Indianapolis area. Alex had adopted three children with her husband, but he left soon after the adoptions were finalized, and the couple divorced.

 Daughter Maija Allen, 19, said family life improved once Chris entered the picture.

“It seemed more real.  It just seemed right, and it finally felt like my life was settling down. Everything wasn’t crazy,” she said.

Maija said having two committed parents brought more structure to her life, and their gender was immaterial. With two parents, there can be a sharing of roles and responsibilities, both for providing care but also financial support, she said.

Though Chris and Alex believe traditional gender roles —father working and earning money, mother caring for house and children— are archaic, they do acknowledge the differences between their relationships with Maija.

 “She wanted to ask me about changing her room, but she wants to talk to Alex about her friends and who-said-what,” Chris said.

Micah Clark, director of the American Family Association, a nationwide nonprofit that promotes traditional family values, acknowledges that all parents serve different functions for their children.

“I see this in my own life. My son will, for example, go to me if he wants to throw the football or play baseball or something. If he stumbles and falls, he tends to go to mom,” said Clark. “The same is true for my daughter.  My daughter often looks to me for different things and different needs than she might her mother because, by gender, we parent differently.”

However, Clark said he believes that successful families include both a mother and a father. Despite acknowledging homosexuals’ attempts to fulfill traditional gender roles, Clark sees their efforts as falling short.

“Two women might make good mothers, but they don’t necessarily make good fathers,” said Clark. “The research shows that kids who are raised in homosexual households tend to have more gender identity confusion, higher rates of homosexual behavior, and other psychological problems and challenges.”

However, straight households also can pose a risk of psychological damage to children. Tuttle and Gutzwiler adopted Samantha because she needed to escape a destructive home environment that included a traditional mother and father and four siblings. Samantha suffered emotional trauma from the neglect and abuse, which her new fathers have countered with discipline and love.

“She’s been able to thrive. You know, she’s gone from D’s and F’s in school to A’s and B’s and making honor roll,” said Gutzwiler. “I’m not saying some of those issues still aren’t there, but they’re becoming less and less because of the structure and the discipline we’re able to provide. It’s not just because we’re male/male, but it’s just something she didn’t experience when she had a mom and dad.”

Samantha, 13, is grateful for her new life. “I’ve been here for a year and a half.  It’s been amazing,” she said.

“This is the most I’ve ever been loved.”

The “nuclear” family that past generations may still expect is fading fast, as living situations range from two parents to one parent to grandparents. When taking sexuality into account, the list grows even longer.

There is growing acceptance of these nontraditional families, evidenced by the popularity of such television shows as “Modern Family” and “Two and a Half Men.”

The changing appearance of the family is not important as long as parents continue to fulfill the needs of their children.

“Social change doesn’t really matter just as long as the kids get the right home where they’ll thrive, rather than be deprived of the ability to get the most they can out of their childhood and education,” said Gutzwiler. 

Assistant editors Katie Carr, 17, and Catrien Egbert, 14, and reporter Jordyn Blakely, 11, contributed to this story.

Copyright Y-Press 2011