VOICES OF `INVISIBLE CHILDREN'

In 1987, the latest year for which figures are available, there were 22,472 children in mental hospitals in the United States, according to a report published by the National Mental Health Association in 1989. The report was titled the "Invisible Children Project," because the children are shuffled away to institutions and forgotten by society.

Children's Express had the opportunity to speak with a few of these "invisible children" and found that they had many things to say which should make them the most visible children in the nation. The children, who were all patients at local facilities, requested that their full names not be used.

It was hard to imagine that Sarah, 16, who was cheerful and full of life when we interviewed her, had once been extremely depressed and on the verge of committing suicide. With the help of a counselor whom she considered a savior, she sought mental treatment. She said that if it wasn't for that treatment, she would have closed her eyes to the world forever.

Fourteen-year-old Rebecca and 12-year-old Mike gave Children's Express some insight about the experiences they had at in-patient treatment. They commented that overall, the mental help they received was beneficial; however, there were aspects of it they disliked.

Frustration

SARAH: "In school I would just run out of the classroom and just start crying and running down the hall. Even when I wasn't crying, I was just shaking because I was just so frustrated with everything. The pain had gotten so bad _ I have a chronic bone disorder and I've had 14 surgeries. It was the frustration (because) I was having trouble walking. The doctors couldn't do anything. My family was just shot. My grades were going down.

" . . .I went to my freshman counselor. She said, `I think you should get some help.' I was like, `No, no, there's no way.' I said, `I can get through this.'

"The first thing that you do is deny it. But then she (the counselor) called up some people, a couple of places and that's how I got in.

"I thought (the counselor) was crazy. I thought, `I can't go through this.' Maybe at the time I said, `It'll get better. I had headaches, I get migraines so maybe it's just that.' Excuse after excuse. But now I look back and she's the one who really made the turning point in my life.

"She is like a savior because I was attempting suicide. She was the first person that made me realize (I was) sick. I mean, when you say `mentally sick' it sounds really scary, but I was sick and just like with any (illness) you have to go to the doctor and get help."

REBECCA: "I hated being inside all the time and crying every day for no reason. I wasn't doing anything with my friends and my grades, I was pretty much failing every class. Then I had a few suicide attempts and my mom got really worried about it and stuff. That's why I went in."

Courage to get help

SARAH: "I was an in-patient . . .we just called it the stress center. And then I was out-patient, they just call it day therapy.

"When they brought me in, the first thing they do is they make you realize that it took so much courage just to get in there and that's an accomplishment in itself.

"Going in was the hardest thing I ever did because I didn't have the backing of my family. They were still in the denial stage.

REBECCA: "I kind of decided that I needed to go (to therapy). I didn't really want to go or anything."

I felt real good about myself for doing that 'cause I know a lot of people don't have the guts to do something like that 'cause it was real scary to go through with it. I could've said, `No, I'm not going,' and not went. (My mom) couldn't have made me go. I was real proud of my mom because I know that was real hard for her because we had to wait for about an hour for them to check us in and everything."

SARAH: "When I went in, I felt as if no one could have even a glimpse of what I was going through. I said, `They don't understand.'

"I was very reluctant. They noticed that 'cause I wouldn't talk. I just sat there and I just wouldn't talk. Then finally this obnoxious kid, I became friends with him, he was sitting in the corner and he said, ` . . .we're not gonna give you any pity if you just sit there . . You have to help yourself in order to get help.'

"After that I opened up a lot and he opened me a lot.

"When I went in, like I said, I didn't talk, but then I realized that they didn't really care if I didn't talk. Then (staff) kind of provokes you to talk and then once you started, they kept on, they didn't say anything, they just sat there and listened . . .Then I realized that they made me listen for myself 'cause I wasn't listening to what I was saying." Punishments

REBECCA: "They're really strict and if you don't talk then you're in big trouble. You gotta go to the chair. We had a big chair where we had to sit against a wall for like an hour and stare at this stupid piece of paper and you couldn't put your hand in your lap. It was like what they do to little kids.

They'd take our pen and pencil away and you might not think it's a big thing out here, but it's just major there. If you get to have your pen and pencil and write stuff down, write to your friends and stuff. . . .they put you in the time-out room or whatever you call it and you'd have to sit in there. Or you'd just get screamed at by one of the counselors and you'd feel real dumb after that and everything.

I think (the punishments) were kind of dumb, I mean if you didn't have all the wrinkles out of your bed after you made it, then you would have to go sit on a chair for 15 minutes.

Maybe (those punishments are enforced) just to get people to realize that this was not a game, this is the real thing and you're supposed to do exactly what these people say."

MIKE: "The worst punishment there would be . . .they take them to this room where there's this mattress and they put you on the mattress and they restrain you. They only let you out when you need to go to the bathroom or eat or whatever. You stay on there for the rest of the day, I guess. You miss everything. It's one whole day until you figure out what you need to settle down."

Talk therapy

SARAH: "(The counselors) usually didn't go straight into giving advice because then anybody in that room . . .would become very defensive, like `You don't understand.' They kind of let you figure it out. They knew what the advice was, but they wanted you to figure it out naturally through the therapy."

REBECCA: We had lots of groups. We went to six or seven a day. Like one after another and they'd be like an hour long. Most of them, you'd have to get your feelings out in every group. Like the assertiveness group, I liked going and I think it helped me the most . . Having the other kids to support you and everything helped a whole bunch."

SARAH: "The group therapy is extraordinary. I mean, it can change a person's life. My aspiration is to go to college to go into psychiatry.

"Through family therapy just one day a week, just getting together _ actually it was just my parents and myself _ it was extraordinary because we've learned the value of communication. It's so hard to open up. It was even harder to tell my parents how I felt and how they felt back. But like I said . . .I was just crying to my therapist because I said, `This is the most beautiful thing that ever happened.' I had my family back. That was the first thing.

"When I came out, (my friends) were just amazed at the transformation I went through. The metamorphosis from a suicidal person into someone who had actually come to love life after going through (therapy) for just six weeks. They were just amazed and they found the real value of going to therapy. So my friends were very understanding about it."

Misconceptions

SARAH: "I think a lot of people have misconceptions about it. They think that if you're going to therapy, you must be psychotic or something like that.

"I had everyday problems. I suffered from manic depression . . .I had a psychiatrist. I still got a psychiatrist. (Society) thinks that it's something different.

"That's why I'm opening up, to show people what it really is and not to be afraid.

"I was like, `No way, I'm not going in there 'cause it's just for crazies.' But I think if society was more informed, then it would be a lot different, a lot easier for a lot of kids to come out and adults to come out 'cause it's the hardest thing."

REBECCA: "I notice the big changes in how I acted and stuff. I was a lot more happy and did a lot more stuff socially, went out, I go out a whole bunch more. I didn't used to go out hardly at all. I treat people better. I don't scream at my mom all the time. Now we get along better and we're not fighting and stuff. My grades went up and everything."

SARAH: "It's the hardest thing for someone who hasn't gone through this to understand . . Stresses come up and you just close your eyes. Stresses of family, stresses of friends, of school, of yourself _ you have so many expectations _ so many things that clog your eyes that when you open them it's like you just see the world as an evil place.

"Therefore, you just want to close your eyes and just stop forever. But through therapy, they help you wipe away that stuff and they help you open your eyes. And the glory of it is, when you open it up, even though it's the same world, you recognize things but you go at it with a whole new start. You feel like you were just reborn and you see the world as something good."